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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

All I want is...

to be like you, and you, and you, yes, and you too. Sorry for the horrible picture, its part of the reason I am always the one behind the camera.  It's an example of what I am doing all the time it seems, looking around at those around me.  I see all of these wonderful women who at least seem like they have it all together, and the way they look reflects that. It seems like it never fails, no matter where I go, what blog I read, whoever posts on Facebook, they're better than me.  I cannot tell you how many blogs I visit and all I wanna do is copy and paste their whole page to mine, from colors, to fonts, to pictures, to wisdom, I want IT ALL. I know what the answer is- to not compare, to be the best God made me.  But I don't want to at the moment quite frankly, at the moment I'd rather stew about how Suzy has beautiful, full, curly hair, how Mary is tall and skinny, how Jane has a flawless complexion, how Lisa's children act perfectly, how Debbie is so much more wise and full of knowledge than I, and how Beth's blog is what I want all mine to be, and more....(sorry if I used your name, it wasn't my intent to peg anyone)
I guess this is a reflection of where I am in my spiritual walk and my depression.  I'm too comfortable where I'm at.  My flesh has started liking my depression I think because it is focused on itself, though I don't, nor do I like the negative mood it puts me in.  I need to do better at being in the Word every morning.  No more sleeping in, no more wasting time on FB, or reading non-important emails.  I gotta get going on this, or I won't make it! As I'm writing, I'm starting to wonder if I'm ready for this.  But then, if I'm not now, then when will I be? when I'm diagnosed with diabetes? or how about when I have a heart attach? or better yet, when my kids are all grown and they are all overweight and not expected to live long and healthy lives? WHEN JEN, WHEN IS ENOUGH GOING TO BE ENOUGH??????????

Where are you at on your journey?

God Bless,

1 comment:

  1. Hi, Jennifer!
    Interesting! You wrote your blog on my Bday. Yeap, Jan 24th turn the big 43 or should I say 39 and I understand completely was your going through. Hang in there! With God's help you can have victory. Growing up my father was a drinker a mean one at that. Because of his abusive childhood he took it out on my mom, she lost her teeth, was whip with an wire cord, lot of mental abuse. My sister and me the same but not as serve. As a teenager he would tell me I'd amount to nothing and follow up with a slap. I struggle with self-esteem. I've had therapy and forgave my dad too. God such is a big and awesome God! Parents are still together he doesn't drink and takes medication for his temper. If I could give you wisdom I'd say baby steps..girl! baby steps. Trust God. He was and is my life line. You compare yourself to others and see yourself unworthy but you are wrong Jennifer, so wrong. I look at your blog and see a blessed Momma to all your little ones with a wonderful husband. I am on my second marriage to a godly man which I never thought I was worthy to have. I have two kids by two different men and none from the man I love. What I see in your picture above is someone who has a heart and soul...and can I say your eyes tell me you girl can be mischievous!!! twinkle...twinkle...LOL
    I struggle with relationship in fear of getting hurt but with God's help I'm opening my home to having people over for fellowship. I go to church and praise God for my life the good the bad and the ugly.
    Keep your head up....breath your heart to Jesus...and he will send you safe people who with love and adore you just as you are..the way 'HE' made are created in 'HIS' image so you are AWESOME!