The Importance of Sexual Purity: A Review of Every Single Man’s Battle By Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey

            I have had this book sitting on my shelf for probably five months.  After I received this book, I was wondering why on earth I would bother choosing this book to read.  Then just the previous day, I was talking to a friend of mine about needing to read this book, and I was informed that Stephen Arterburn went through a divorce.  This meant that I was even more hesitant to read a book, because after all, if it didn’t work for him, why read it?  As soon as I read over the introduction I knew I wasn’t giving Mr. Arterburn a fair chance.  I have now read this book, and will share my thoughts with you all.

            Before you read any further I want to put in a warning right here.  This book review is not meant for children.  I will be willingly addressing the issues that Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey address.  I will also be honest in this review as I see things that I can directly relate to and share my own insights and experiences. In this review, I will be direct but not graphic.

            The backdrop to Every Single Man’s Battle is Stephen Arterburn’s reentry into the dating world. Stephen writes this book to aid fellow brothers in Christ who may be single or recently divorced by challenging them to be men who flee from sexual temptation and pursue integrity. The author writes not from a place of superiority or strength, but to walk alongside men who may be struggling with sexual sin. In a society that devalues marriage, and the marriage bed, and instead advocates for shacking up, Mr. Arterburn in this book provides a helpful defense, and response to the sacredness of sex between one man and one woman in marriage.

            One of the most enjoyable aspects of Every Single Man’s Battle is Stephen, Fred and Mike’s courage in dealing with issues such as masturbation and porn. Many men struggle in silence with these issues but the authors provide helpful answers by highlighting how the point of intimacy is to grow closer together with our spouse not to fulfill our fantasies. On this point Stephen and Fred helpfully teach that when sexual intensity supersedes our sexual intimacy the marriage bed becomes defiled (Arterburn, Stoeker, Yorkey, 25).

Although I was raised in a solid, Biblically based, Christian home, I allowed myself to fall right into sexual temptation many times, and in many different ways.  I participated in pornography, masturbation, and premarital sex. Even after being married for over a decade, I continue to struggle with sexual purity and integrity. Rather than fleeing from sexual sin, I allowed myself to fill my mind with the drug of sex, and sought not my wife, but my fill of adultery.

           

            The authors in this book do not dance around the issues but press the reader to understand the issues they examine from a biblical worldview. For example in the first two chapters they cover the issue of sex, masturbation, and pornography, as well as accountability. They quote one pastor, Mason, who is in his thirties and single who says: “Single men should not live alone” (28). Chapter two makes the point that all Christian men should have godly male friends who pray with them and hold them accountable to the Word of God as they wage war against the sins of the flesh (Romans 13:11-14).

            In September, I choose not to be accountable in my war against sexual sin, and decided that I didn’t need anyone to help me.      In reflecting on this time in my life, I realized I acted like a fool. At this time, I was blessed with some money coming in from some work that I was doing, and instead of being wise with my money, I gave into my sin and went to a strip club.

At least one of my friends knows about that night where I gave in and chose to sin. On that night I was thinking about calling someone to talk to about my sinful thoughts, but ultimately talked myself out of calling one of my friends and instead gave in fully to my sin. Embracing my sin rather than forsaking my sin that night burned a lot of bridges that I had been working hard to build for a number of years.

           

            Men need accountability it really is that simple. Men need godly brothers to come along side of us, and to, quite frankly, give us a smack upside the head like Gibbs does to his fellow-team members in the original NCIS show. The Christian life is not a war we can engage in on our own. Men need to rise up and link arms with our brothers, and keep fighting.  Some people may say, “It was only a strip club”, but that strip club took my thoughts off the LORD, off my wife, and put them on an idol.  For a moment I chose to love my sin more then I love my Savior. As a result of this occurring, I have resolved in my heart to no more love my sin but to genuinely turn from my sin to Jesus Christ.  I now have godly brothers whom I will call, men who will hold me accountable, and smack me upside the head if I screw up again.  I’m very blessed by these brothers, these comrades! 

            Every Single Man’s Battle is only three chapters plus an introduction covering pages 6-54.  The remaining 129pages are a study guide for Every Man’s Battle which serves as an eight week study.  Even though this turned out more to be a Study then a book, the value of this book is great.  

            I rate this book as a must read for every Man, married or not!  The topics covered will address some topics that men have often preferred to keep secret.   I will actually be purchasing a copy of Every Man’s Battle in the near future with the intention of using this study guide as a spring board, not only for my own use, but one I plan to recommend to the men of my Church as well. 

            Men the battle for our integrity and our sexual purity is a must win battle, and one we cannot escape.  The Gospel provides the foundational reason why as men we can overcome sexual sin and be pure. Jesus died to give sinners new life, and as men who are redeemed through the blood of Jesus, and adopted as His sons, we have the ability through the empowering work of the Holy Spirit to put sin to death and put on the Lord Jesus Christ. As men we desperately need to rise up to the challenge to love our wives as Christ loves the Church, and be men of integrity.  Men love the Lord Jesus Christ with all their heart, soul, and mind!  Let us fight this battle together!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My First Book Review: "If You Take a Mouse to School" by Elizabeth A. Emery

          First thing first is I, Paul, am transcribing this review to be put on the family blog.  Elizabeth asked me the other day if she could write a book review, and so I wanted to encourage her to do so.  She read me this story today, and I did ask a few questions to get her thinking.  Other then the questions, the words that will be in this review is mostly Elizabeth’s and I’m so very proud that she wants to do these kinds of things.

          We’ll start with the questions and her answers.

1)    Who are the main characters? The boy and a mouse.

2)    What did you like the most about the story?  The mouse building furniture for his house out of clay.

3)    Was it easy to read? Not exactly.  There were some easy parts and some hard pats to the words.

4)    What did this book help teach? This book helped teach contractions which are two words put together.

I really liked this book.  I would encourage my friends to read it.  This book was a lot of fun to read.  “If You Take a Mouse to School” by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond is a part of a series of books.  We received this series from our Moppie two Christmas’ ago.  I read this book to my daddy on January 01, 2012.  I’m going to tell my pastor, Scot Wall of Magnolia Bible Church, about this book.  J

A Review of “Why Men Hate Going to Church”

            It is Sunday morning Jane has the children dressed and ready to go.  She also is ready to head out for morning worship, but where is John? He decided to take the day and go fishing, why? This is the premise of the most recent book that I have read, “Why Men Hate Going to Church” by David Murrow.  I will admit that when I first got this book I was hoping to find something that I could actually tear apart, and write a strong critique of a book that I didn’t really feel was worth reading.  Oh boy was I ever wrong!  Although I may not agree with all that the author writes about, this book was certainly worth reading.

            On this particular book there is a variety of reviews.   Some people rate it an average book because the author was able to string two sentences together, mind you if that was all a book had I would give it a 1.  Others rise up and praise this book as the newest and best thing to hit men.  I’m probably somewhere in the middle.  So let me tell you why.

            Having been raised in the Church I have noticed that a lot of what David Murrow talks about is true.  There are so many ministries in many local bodies of Christ, but who runs those ministries? Quite frankly, it is the women.  Now I want it known that I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, but I do have to ask, “Where are the men?”  This is probably a better understanding of this book then some have given it credit.

            As I said, when I first saw this book listed as a book I could review I immediately looked at a group of reviews, and the formulated my opinion of the book off of that.   Now here I am a week later, and I was at Church watching some of the behaviors of the men in the congregation.  Some have said this book doesn’t present the gospel, which is true, but again that was not the purpose of this book.  The purpose of this book was to find out why Christian men aren’t being the fishers of men that God called them to be. 

            David takes the time to address what he calls a vicious circle that has been impacting the Church since the pre-Victorian era.  By and large Churches will start with a decent percentage of men as well as women, and then slowly the men begin to drift away.  What happens is a Church begins meeting, and then building a building, but then the work left to do is leading a ministry like Children’s Church, or Sunday school, or Bible Study.  As these ministries begin to get established in the Church the women begin to rise up and volunteer to lead this ministry or to lead that ministry.  As more and more women rise to the leadership positions the priorities change as women are more emotional based (again not a bad thing) then men are, and so more and more women are attracted to get their spiritual high, and men are left wondering what has happened.  This is part of the cycle that Mr. Murrow speaks about in this book.

            Now David is not beating up any of these ministries.  His focus is instead on how men and women interact differently, and therefore these ministries which have their purpose lose their priority and men are shut off, and begin to leave the ministry work to the women, only exacerbating the situation that had lead to them being shut off.  In fact David spends the last eleven chapters speaking about how Churches can reengage their men.

            From a personal stand point, this book has made me begin to watch and observe.  Right now our Church is the middle of a building campaign, and so there is a lot for the men to be involved with and participants in at this time.  In fact just last week the men were asked to help get some of the wall trimming placed around the gym/sanctuary floor.  This was a great opportunity for some of us to rise up and help our body of believers.  However, will the men stay engaged?

            Over the past year at least the men’s ministry of our Church has taken off in a way which I couldn’t believe.  As I said earlier, I was raised in Church since the age of 8 and this is the first Men’s ministry that I’ve seen so strong in the Church.  In fact I often brag about how our Men’s Ministry is closer knit, than I’ve witnessed through my wife, than the Women’s Ministry of the Church.  This book has made me ask, “Will it last?”  In this book I think David Murrow does a great job showing how men relate shoulder to shoulder.  I think this book is a tool that every Pastor, Elder Board, Servant Leader, and layman would benefit from.  I think this book is a book that every wife will benefit from as she sees how dragging her husband to church will not make him the spiritual leader that she needs.

            Now that I have offered praise of this book, there is a least one thought that did still bugs me about it; I think some of the comments that David makes are just plain wrong.  I am a man who enjoys dressing up for Church on Sunday morning.  Very seldom will I attend church in anything less than slacks, a nice dress shirt, and a tie.  I find it frustrating that David Murrow seems to imply that the only men truly satisfied with Church are the more feminine.  I was an athlete in high school, and in fact I’m still very competitive, almost to a fault.  I think this concept that a man cannot be both an athlete and an academic is disrespectful and untrue. 

            Every person who professes faith in Jesus Christ should engage in regular time of worship both corporately as well as personally.  I think every believer should have regular times where they dig into the WORD of God, and learn and grow from the author and finisher of our faith Jesus Christ, through the working of the Holy Spirit.  I also believe that just because the Church has been feminized is no excuse for a man to not attend.  He is called to be the spiritual leader of his family, not the Church, and even if there are problems, a man still needs to be regularly engaged in the Scriptures.  All this being said I still give this book 4 out of 5.  I believe every believer, male and female, can benefit from this book.

This review was written by Paul Emery.  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Booksneeze as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”