Our Journey Together Weekly Update #1 January 01 - 10, 2012

            So it seems like just yesterday Jen and I posted our first blog entitled “Our Journey Together”.  However, it has already been a week, and now it is time for us to post our first update.  I think that for me, this has been a decent week.  Spiritually speaking my focus has been fairly good.  I still haven’t been having the quiet time I desire to have on a daily basis, although, from time to time I do manage to get into the word some.

            Some of the strengths of this week though have been the fact that I have began a daily reading plan that should get me through the whole Bible in one year.  The plan I chose is a chronological plan.  How it has worked thus far is I use an application called “You Version” and is available for I-products, and also android products.  It is called the “Reading God’s Story” and was authored by George Guthrie.  This product is nice because this app has an audio feature, and so we have actually been listening to the readings on a daily basis every lunch time, and so the whole family is benefitting from this change.

            There are some things however, that I’m also needing to work on.  I have a quick temper, and therefore I have a tendency to yell when I don’t feel like Jen or the children are listening to me.  In my relationship with Jen this can cause conflict of course, and then I worry about my children seeing me in fear, instead of seeing the love I really do have for them.  Because of this tendency I have decided to try to memorize Proverbs 15:18 which states: “A hot tempered man stirs up conflict, but a man slow to anger calms strife (Holman Christian Standard).” 

            Physically things are going very well.  I’m doing better at least doing my daily body tests, but I still need to do better on regular exercise.  The good thing I have done is I have begun to lower my caloric intake, and through that I have actually lost over 10lbs in the past two months.  I’m very excited to add a few extra notches to the belt, plus I’m already seeing small changes in my blood pressure and pulse.

            I have set myself a goal of losing 7 pounds in the next two months, although I may change that to 10.   This week I see myself needing to be more faithful in regular, 30 minute exercise segments.  I hope to continue on this path of weight loss, and see if I could realistically get at least half way towards my goal of over 80lbs of weight loss by the end of 2012. 

            Spiritually speaking, I am again going to try to focus on being more committed in my goal of having regular quiet time.  I have in fact sent out a request for suggestions as to which book of the Bible I should study for this next year as in-depth as I can go.  Thus far James and 2 Timothy have been suggested, but I’m more than willing for some additional suggestions. 

            Now for Jen’s update:

Good evening my dear friends, I hang my head in shame as I have to tell you this week did not go so well for me.  It started off good, but my depression got the better of me.  I don’t do well with change, and even the prospects of it, which it has been full of both….  I’m not going to go into details of it, but it started with a new routine, and sick little ones that totally hindered my perfectionist’s agenda. 

So, now that I think about it, I didn’t do as badly as I thought, but my depression did get pretty bad. For most of the week I had one or two sick babies that needed me what felt like every! Single! Moment! Which I’m not complaining about, it just makes it hard when I set such high goals for myself and not give myself the grace I truly need, instead of the emotional beatings.  Tomorrow I am really hoping to start getting up earlier and getting in the Word, and at least catching up a little on my Bible reading as I have fallen behind already; also, to spend a few minutes on my Wii.  I once read that if I at least show up, that is an improvement. I know that once I get back into the Word and just try to make sure I am not letting lil miss princess perfectionist get in the way and do the baby steps again, I’ll be on the right road. 

I am sooooooooooo tired of always being tired; I am so tired of the cycle of being too tired to work out and so then vice versa. I am so tired of not fitting in my largest clothes and not being able to find pretty ones because either they are all taken at the stores that I shop or they don’t make them in my size or the cost is astronomical at a reg store because of the darn size.  I am so tired of not being able to use my lap to put Bible on so I can take notes in church.  I am so tired of others, not all, but some, avoiding me because of my weight.  I am tired of being a cranky pants and so I am too focused on myself to be a blessing to others.  This has gotta stop!  So, that’s my update, and I’m stickin to it, lol.  Thank you for sitting through my lil pep talk, if that’s what that was…….

See you next week with the next update.

Our Journey Together: 10 Years of Ups and Downs

            To many of you this is going to be a totally different side of Jen and me then you have seen before.  We are going to social media not only to be hip, but to really reach out to our friends and family for hope and encouragement.  This weekly update is something that we feel is necessary, but also beneficial not only to us, but to others who might be struggling with similar issues. 

            On Sept. 01, 2011 Jen and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Believe it or not, this is quite an accomplishment for us as any number of things could have split us apart over the years, especially my struggles which I’ve been very willing to share, and will continue to share in the blog.  We cannot and would not attribute our success thus far to anything but Christ.  The truth of the matter is that it is only through and because of Christ that we have managed to celebrate 10 years.  We have been blessed by family members who have prayed for us, and friends who have encouraged us through some very dark times.  In fact for people who know our story, they know that if Christ can keep us together, then He can certainly keep anyone else together.

            So why are Jen and I getting ready to share more than just our faith, but also our physical and spiritual struggles as well? Is it in the hopes that we will generate some more readers? Is it hoping that people will look at us and pat us on the back? In all honesty I hope none of these explanations are the reason, however, we are human beings, and just maybe our story will be of interest that it will generate readership.  However, this is not our main reason I feel.  Proverbs 27:17 says: “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.  New American Standard Bible (N.A.S.B). We both truly believe that it is our hope that these posts will serve as an encouragement for us, and that you all will also join us in encouragement.  We’ll start with Jen first.

To tell you the truth it has taken me a week to get the courage up to start writing this.  Even now I feel the urge to get up and “run.” I have tried losing weight for many years and it has yet to truly accomplish anything.  I’m not going try and put on rosy glasses as I tell you what my problem is, as I used to in hopes that someone who has gone or is going through the same issue.  My weight at the time of this picture was 259.

Jen at Weigh In

            I am an emotional eater, and I have been since I was a child.  I also have dealt with depression and sometimes severe depression.  Those who have dealt with depression know what a cycle it can become.  I start eating because I’m feeling down, or more often angry and then I get angry or depressed because of the sugar crash I’m on or just the simple fact that I know that I have just sinned by going to food for my comfort or filling my face because it has been an outlet for my anger and I just want to get revenge with whomever is hurting me, which is in reality myself.  So the cycle begins……

            The emotional eating is just a symptom of a bigger problem that I have only really started to see/realize.  I live very emotionally and find myself living in my anger and depression for the silliest reasons.  I have neglected to go to my Heavenly Father to let Him cleanse my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall mind. I have also neglected to go to the Word to be renewed.  Even though I KNOW the Truth about my calling, I KNOW the Truth about my blessed life I have unfortunately believed the lies of Satan for so long that they plague me often.  The most frequent lies are: 1. I am ugly 2. I will always be ugly 3. No one likes me 4.  I threw my life away when I quit school to marry and start a family 5. That I can’t handle my life, it is too crazy, busy, loud, and includes 9 too many kids!  6. Life isn’t fair, and it should be. 

            As I read those lies I shake my head in amazement at how ridiculous I can be, throwing hissy fits over things that I can’t change, nor would if I were in my right mind because I know the Lord is using every circumstance to draw me ever closer to Him and to mold me into His image. 

            My hope and prayer is that this time I will make changes that last. No, I mean that I let the Lord work in my heart changes that last a life time… There are so many things on my “To Change” list, but for now I have a few things that I am going to truly try to make habits: 1. To be in the Word daily, I am going to even try a reading plan to go along with the Bible Studies that I will desperately try to keep up with 2. To exercise daily and eat healthier 3. To speak softer  to my children. 

            With my personality, I will admit that I am looking for encouragement and kind yet firm rebuke when I’m not walking the walk.  Heck, I’m probably at my highest weight yet again, so it can’t get any worse than that as long as I’m trying, right? Hopefully next year I’ll have an after pic that looks amazing, and I finally won’t be embarrassed to do a family picture that includes myself.  Now to hand it over to Paul.

Paul at Weigh In

This strapping young man is me, Paul Emery, at a whopping 278lbs.  Yeah, that is quite the gut I’m sporting there huh? The truth of the matter is every time I get on a scale and see my weight I say, “I don’t feel that fat”.  As they always say though, a picture speaks a thousand words!

My physical fitness hasn’t been the only issue though this year.  The truth of the matter is although there have been some great spiritual things going on in my life over the past two years, there is still a lot of baggage and junk that I really need to let go of in my life.  Right now I’m feeling pretty good spiritually, however it was only three months ago that I again fell into a constant sin struggle I have in regards to sexual purity.

            I John 1:6-7 are a couple of verses that I regularly find myself meditating on when I am spiritually healthy.  “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin (N.A.S.B).”  Really this section all the way from verse 5 to verse 10 has brought about a Spiritual Wakefulness and a return of zeal in my faith that I haven’t experienced in over a decade.  Even though I have fallen into sin, I refuse to dwell there! 

            My physical fitness has many contributing factors.  I’m not near as active as I was while in High School where I was involved in many different activities and extra-curricular events.  Even though I don’t burn near as many calories as I once did, I have not cut back on my calories as I should in order to better suit my current physical activity level.  I’m currently working two jobs, although I did have a season of about two months where I was working three, but two of the jobs were desk type jobs.  My other problem is I love to eat, and I won’t tell myself, NO!  This of course plays into the physical and the spiritual aspects of my life at present. 

            I’ve been told that the recommended weight for my stature is 177lbs.  Do I really see myself getting down to this level? No, not really; however, I do believe that I could easily get down and maintain a weight of 200lbs if I were to truly commit and stick to it.  So what is my plan of action to begin working towards this goal? I am going to commit to daily exercise at least 5 days a week at no less than 30 min. a day.  Putting this to pen and paper is not necessarily going to mean it happens, so I’m asking you all to encourage me as I know many of you will.  I am also going to commit to limiting my caloric intake.  I’ve been told 1500 calories would be a sufficient method of encouraging weight loss, so I will try to stick to no more than 1700 calories a day with the goal of only taking in 1500 calories.

            Spiritually speaking there are also some goals I need to set.  I’m hereby committing to partaking in at least 30 minutes to preferably an hour of quiet time on a daily basis.  This commitment is going to be a 365 day commitment, and not one that I should bow out of easily.  I also am going to commit to becoming more involved in a ministry inside of my church as well as a ministry outside as well.  To those of you who are familiar with American Family Radio this is similar to the seven commitments that Matt Friedeman encourages people who want to be members of the “in the fight” club.   

We’ll be posting an update next week as we begin this process.  God bless.

Can you Treasure Christ More Greatly?: A Book Review of "Gospel Wakefulness" by Jared Wilson

           In 1730 to 1740 America experienced the First Great Awakening, a revival that not only impacted the British Colonies, but one that spread around the globe.  Around the time of the Civil War, America experienced the Second Great Awakening.  Now 150 years later America is in a spiral down the trail of post-modernism! This contrast is striking.  Has the Church fallen asleep? Has it failed in its mission assigned to us by our LORD in Matthew 28:19-20? Is the problem with the Church, or is the problem in the pew?

            These are some of the questions that motivated me to take a look at the newest book by Jared Wilson, “Gospel Wakefulness”.  My own relationship with Christ also motivated me to take a look at this, and I was curious, just what is Gospel Wakefulness? 

            Jared Wilson defines “Gospel Wakefulness” as: “…treasuring Christ more greatly and savoring His power more sweetly (Wilson 24).”  However, Mr. Wilson goes on to explain that Gospel Wakefulness is not something you do or can learn, but something that happens to you as you grow in your relationship with Christ (34).

            I like to share my disagreements up front.  There is no advantage in my mind to hold off until the end, until people are reeled in to the greatness of a book (and this is a great book).  However, it is written by man, and has flaws.  My primary disagreement with Jared Wilson is in his view of how Gospel Wakefulness occurs as an act of God as a lover.  Mr. Wilson makes the point that Gospel Wakefulness is being “swept off our feet by a romancing God (69).”  He then goes on the attacks of what he calls machismo and saying that this is how God draws us (70).  I’ve been saved now for almost 20 years, but there is no doubt in my mind that I have experienced Gospel Wakefulness as Jared Wilson defines it.  However, I was not drawn to God by a romantic love, but that of the love of a father.

            Hebrews 12: 5-6 says, “And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?  “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. (English Standard Bible)’” This is how the LORD stirred my heart to Gospel Wakefulness, not as some lover trying to woo His bride.  I have been very blessed by the LORD since the point of my Wakefulness, for which I’m very thankful.

            Now let me share you some of the many praise worthy aspects of this book.  There is no doubt in my mind that Jared Wilson understands greatly that which he has written about.  To have such a clear definition of Gospel Wakefulness, I believe, only comes from experiencing it for one’s self.  Throughout the book Jared Wilson also takes the time to share several other people’s stories and their encounter with gospel wakefulness.  One of the stories that really struck me was the story of Eric, probably because it some ways it mirrors my own story.  Eric’s story is in Chapter 2 which is Nonnegotiable Brokenness. 

            Another chapter that really stood out to me, not necessarily for myself, but because of my relationship with my wife, was the chapter on Depression.  Jared helped put things in a way I could understand, and even see how better to minister to my wife who has dealt with depression since she was a child.  In this chapter Jared mentions his own failing in ministering to someone who was severely depressed, but then goes on to explain how now he sees things differently.  I’ve been like many of the Christians whom Jared mentioned who often times think that if a person’s relationship with Christ was better then they wouldn’t be depressed.  This is of course untrue.  Jared helped show me ways where I can stop being like Job’s friends, and instead be the support my wife needs.

            Finally Jared Wilson’s chapter on “The Gospel Wakened Church” really grabbed my attention, and had me shouting, Hallelujah! (All right maybe not quite, but it was a great chapter).  In this chapter Mr. Wilson mentions Tim Challies and an experience he had at a conference up in Canada.  He had been asked to speak, and decide to focus his topic on the centrality of the gospel (183).  Jared Wilson mentions how Mr. Challies felt that the reception was a little cold to this particular message.  And in fact Jared Wilson quotes an attendee who was disappointed that Mr. Challies didn’t cover something other than the centrality of the gospel (184).

            In this chapter I again saw some of myself, as he quoted C.S Lewis.  C.S. Lewis wrote several letters in which he mentions his experience of “Gospel Wakefulness”.  In one particular letter C.S Lewis mentions how he had been asked about a belief at some point earlier he would have said he believed it, but something happened in his life where he had now experienced his belief (186).  One very strong aspect of this chapter is it gives six resolutions for Gospel Wakened Churches.  You can find these resolutions on pages 197-200.  The other aspect that I think is central to this chapter is its stressing the importance of the Gospel not just once, but every day.

            Even though I have concerns with Jared Wilson’s attack on “machismo” I would still have to rate this book 5 out of 5.  So strongly do I believe in the message of this book that I have already given it hearty recommendations to two of my brothers, and will be recommending it to my brother’s-in-law as well!  I also told a friend of mine, who also has a review coming out on this book that this is a book he needed to read because of what he would gain.  I know that Jared Wilson is working on another book, and I look forward to reading some of his other writings.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Crossway as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Only 354 days till.....

(Again, please note that this blog post is an even older post from my first blog)

I jump out of a plane, yes, that's right, jump out of a plane.  I dread even just thinking about it, even now, even as I've just made the decision to jump. LOL There are a few different reasons I'm doing this and refocusing my blog.  For the most part it will be the same, but much more intense and personal.  I have decided to focus on three aspect of my life this year with my blog:

1. Weightloss
2. My Faith
3. How does a Christian deal with depression

Because of my personality I have found that this is the only way to get myself on the right track.  If you take the time to do the DISC test which you can find on Facebook, it is quite helpful. I have found that I am a S.  For those of you who know what that means, you know I'm literally dragging myself out of my shell to do this.  My depression and laziness have driven me to the point of madness so I'm going to do something extreme by jumping out of a plane and making myself accountable to the world.  So no matter if people ask me how I'm really doing instead of getting the "fine" answer and being happy with that, they know whats really going on, even if its to my horror.

My hope with all of this is to grow in my faith so that I can jump out of the plane, because I know that if I don't there is no way they are even getting me into the plane on the ground.  My weight loss is an obvious one, it will also help ensure that I have a healthy heart for the jump, and a healthy heart for my family.  This journey is also about how a believer in Jesus Christ deals with depression.  I have heard both extremes on the issue and I'm wanting to walk my own path on this one, even if it does mean that I do eventually go and get a med that just helps conduct the positive changes that I'm making in this area.

I will be posting weight-ins, what I eat, exercise routines, even recipes, to see if any of ya'll like them or if any of you foodie people have any ideas on how to change them to make them healthier.  These changes are going to be a combination of drastic/gradual.  I don't want to go too drastic and then fall face first and decide not to pick myself up again.  I would love your support and encouragement. I hope I am an encouragement to you as well.

Thank you for starting this journey with me, I know its going to be a crazy ride, but roller coasters are supposed to be, right? :-)

God Bless,
Jennifer

Good Morning All

  (please keep in mind this is an old post from my first blog)

Good Morning All

I know I haven't been up on keeping this current,... its the depression and busyness of having a "large" family.  When I started this challenge I think I panicked, I also realized that I promised something that I probably could never deliver on ~ practically every detail of my life.  A few days ago as I was thinking about getting on and doing an update a verse from Proverbs came to mind, don't ask me which one though. A man who opens his mouth shows himself a fool, while a man who keeps his mouth shut conceals a matter.  Now, there is NO WAY that I'm to try to look like I have it all together, or know all the answers, I'm not even a doctor, I'm just a mom, trying to lose weight looking for the answers too.  But I'm not a fool either, so I will do my best to keep everyone up to date on what I think will benefit them and keep myself accountable.  Any information I put up here I will do my best to do whatever background research I can on. 

So my update thus far:

~I'm still at 258.2 (apx.) which is not necessarily a bad thing, means I didn't gain, right? ;-)
~I started to drink more water again.  I went from drinking practically nothing during the day to drinking 11.5 fourteen oz glasses a day.  I was told that I needed to drink half of my weight in oz.  So, that's what I'm trying right now.  To tell you the truth, I hope my body gets used to it, its a real pain having to run to the other bathroom in the middle taking our precious 2.5dd to the potty. If you have any information on how much water you have been told by your doctor to drink, please share your information, I'd love to hear it. 
~I also started doing squats and hula hoop moves in the evenings, esp the when the kids are playing in the bath, that way I can keep an eye on them and be doing something constructive, besides cleaning the bathroom. They are a killer!! Yesterday I was supposed to clean a home, and was SO glad when she canceled on me, my legs hurt so bad.  I have figured out a way to work not only the front of  my thighs, but also the inside, which is exactly what I want.  Now if only my hula moves worked so well.... Anyone got any suggestions???
~Obviously my depression is better today.  I was once told that self loathing is a myth, and that in depression you are just throwing a pity party and feel you deserve better than what you have.  Man is that a lot of huey or what! Yes, in depression you do have pity parties and in some depression, and some deal with the deserving part, but for my I deal with real self loathing and have major failure issues, that topped by the little agitation of my current situation in some areas.  Depression is real people, and its not what you think!  Sometimes it feels like that cloud that you would see over Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh.  It just won't leave, and it seeps into every thought you have about everything in your life.  It even can cause/facilitate forgetfulness.  Like, I keep forgetting my relationship with my Lord and how He loves me not matter what.  That my faith is not based on being good, but on having a relationship with Him.  Since this happens with Him, its a given that it happens with all of my relationships, especially with the people who love me and want to help me through this. 

Thank you all for keeping up with this, I really appreciate it.

God Bless,
Jennifer